Archive | October 2014

Out of the Darkness

“I do not sit down at my desk to put into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive to write about it. We do not write to be understood: we write in order to understand.”

~C.S. Lewis

So true, so true. I began this blog being comfortable with my spiritual wandering once and for all and in the writing I have come to more clarity and more understanding. God, the Divine One, has more fully entered my heart in a way that surpasses my limited and flawed understanding. It is He who has carried me through my wanderings never letting me stray too far and yet giving me the freedom to explore and to exhaust myself with myself.  How patient you are Divine One! My musings. my philosophical wrestling became my actual undoing and the end of my wanderings. But it is also He who brought me here, leading me gently and unaware all the while allowing me to believe I was the smarter one, the one who had plumbed the depths and visited all of the dead-ends  until I could look no more. Then as a mouse in a maze, He came and brought me forward to where the light truly shines leading me out of my own darkness.


The God of Surprises

Thinking and working to understand being a co-creator with God I came across this poem on a wonderful site I frequent:

May the God of Surprises delight you, inviting you to accept gifts not yet imagined.
May the God of Transformation call you, opening you to continual renewal.
May the God of Justice confront you, daring you to see the world through God’s eyes.
May the God of Abundance affirm you, nudging you towards deeper trust.
May the God of Embrace hold you, encircling you in the hearth of God’s home.
May the God of Hopefulness bless you, encouraging you with the fruits of faith.
May the God of Welcoming invite you, drawing you nearer to the fullness of God’s expression in you.
May God Who is Present be with you, awakening you to God in all things, all people, and all moments.
May God be with you.

~ Elizabeth Eiland Figueroa originally posted at

rock heart

Blooms of God

Thinking about what actually matters, what is real what isn’t, what is perceived versus what is manufactured by our perception. For one who sees the world as evil, the world is evil, for one who sees the world as inherently good, the world is good. The balance is the point of God – dark versus light, cold and hot, health and disease, women and men, birth and death and which side we take becomes our reality – like a constant tug of war we are pulled toward one side or the other.

Reading the Gospel though, I also struggle with being a sheep and all the references to things that have no point of reference to me today. I know there is deeper meaning and in that meaning lies truth, but that to me is too much interpretation. I think it is all simpler. I still hope to have a clearer more relevant point of reference for myself now. I have to think it is all much simpler – and that is why God chose to use a sheep as our representative. But I still need more clarity to understand better, I began to think of God as the Master Designer, He came up with the blueprint for our lives and imprinted it in every cell in our bodies and we called this blue print DNA. DNA is like a ladder, what if it is like a ladder connecting us to God, to our Designer? He relies on us to be the builder, the one who executes His design, we can modify it to fit our needs like any good customization and He even helps – mostly when we ask though. What if He is connected to us through our DNA and millions of connections? I envisioned lifelines snapped into our DNA through which the Designer transmits energy and we receive and send back energy – like a circuit – like sacred geometry. If that is the case, then no one is more or less significant than anyone else. We are just connections to God. I think denying our Designer can weaken the connection – maybe prayer keeps the flow of energy going. The person with no connection runs for awhile, until his battery runs out and then maybe his energy is absorbed by someone else – energy never dies it is just transformed.

And then what if the energy of God is in water, living water as Jesus references in John 4:13-14:

Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again;, but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Bodies are 60% water, brains even more, water becomes the great conductor of energy and we are basically a bag of water with energy running through it. Water also takes the shape of its container – it fulfills the design in a way. Water is so crucial to the life of the Church too – we Baptize with water, we sign ourselves with water, we bless with water. Water is life maybe physically because it is so spiritually connected.

So what actually matters, energy flows to us through the Designer, water animates us and we bloom. I guess we, like flowers, are blooms of God.

The observer and the observed

“The universe as we know it is a joint product of the observer and the observed.”
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I have been thinking about all the dramatic events occurring in the world right now – the Ebola crisis, ISIS, the global economy etc. and there is certainly a lot to be concerned about. This is probably the first time anyone in my generation has had these types of truly serious events to deal with. My question becomes, if we are co-creators with God, is God doing His part and manifesting what we are somehow collectively perceiving or is there a deeper level of vision whose lens we must use to look at the world?

If we go beyond our physical world, do we have to admit, like perhaps the Hindu, that there actually is no such thing as suffering, disease, or death in the world? Is there a component of our perception becoming our reality that has truth in it and therefore we are creating our reality? Can inner vision be separated from our physical sense of seeing or are we all united by a divine consciousness that would allow us to see the world differently thus creating a new physical reality?

We know that when we see the world in its true spiritual dimension, the world that is alive because it has been resurrected in Christ, is already healed. His miracles then become the same miracles now, but only if we can see them. Can we look upon Christ and somehow see the world differently through spiritual vision of ourselves in the light of Christ and create a new perception as co-creators with Christ? Or is the world as we physically experience it with our senses, so conditioned by suffering and distress that we actually do not allow ourselves to move to this new spiritual reality and is that the genesis of our fallen nature? Is that why Christ calls us to love not only our neighbors as ourselves, but to love ourselves and God? Does looking at the world through a lens of love become the pathway by which we re-create our perception and end what we are now perceiving with our physical senses as disease and destruction? And if this is the case, can we do this willfully as co-creators with God? Are we in fact blocking our own resurrection in spirit by being tied to the physical vision and separating it from the spiritual reality which in truth it is united?

Can we consciously move to a state of being where our bodies and physical senses stop being a hindrance to our spiritual vision? Can we look deeply enough as co-creators with God to see reality as it exists in union, not separated from the physical world, and see the true beauty in the union? This is why Christ manifested Himself in the world, I believe, to show us that we must look deeply enough that we somehow invert our perception of physical reality and go through it as He did in His resurrection. The path that is then created becomes a vortex drawing all into it and moving to this new vision of unity where we can perceive the world as God does and not within the limitations of our physical senses. When we collectively can move to this new vision perhaps we can end disease and destruction because we will find it doesn’t exist.

In solitude she built her nest

In a recent homily, my parish priest related a story about his life that particularly resonated with me. He stated that in his home country of Ghana, he grew up in a large family and sometimes felt lost and unimportant. He made the decision to become a Catholic, a brave decision it itself – his mother was Catholic, but his father and other family members were not. Then he felt that if he could somehow get a college degree that would make him more worthy somehow, maybe more important or at least less insignificant. He went to university and received his degree, but noticed he didn’t feel differently about himself. He then decided God was calling him to the priesthood and he thought, “if I become a priest, then I will feel more important.” He was glad he had answered God’s call to be a priest, but he still felt little. He came to America and learned about the culture and parish life here and continued to struggle with his feelings of self-worth. One day he finally internalized his worth in God’s eyes and knew until he recognized and accepted God’s love for him, he would still feel unworthy. God’s love – that was the true measure of worthiness.

I so understood what he was saying. I have long heard it said over and over that God loves us, God loves us so much, God loves us so very much that he gave his only begotten son for us. My ears heard, my mind understood, my heart did not. I began thinking maybe to be able to understand His love for me, I had to understand love. And then I realized:

He loved me into being like a mother loves her unborn baby, my free will his testament to my loving Him and His ultimate love for me.  He cries when I stumble hoping I will take His outstretched hand to pull me up. He waits patiently for me while I think I am waiting patiently for Him.

In solitude she lived,

And in solitude built her nest;

And in solitude, alone

Has the Beloved guided her,

In solitude also wounded with love

~ John of the Cross,

Spiritual Canticle of the Soul and the Bridegroom Christ, XXXV

More on waiting….

Do not try to save the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life
and wait there patiently,
until the song that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know how to give yourself
to this world
so worthy of rescue.

—Martha Postlewaite

Autumn: The Sacrament of Letting Go

My spiritual director gave me this lovely poem today. Autumn is my favorite season and the poem is so appropriate.

Autumn: The Sacrament of Letting Go                                  

 ~ Seasons of the Heart, Marcina Wiederkehr, OSB


she celebrated the sacrament of letting go

first she surrendered her green

then orange, yellow and red

finally she let go of her brown

shedding her last leaf

she stood empty and silent, stripped bare.

Leaning against the winter sky

She began her vigil of trust.

And Jesus said:

And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers

                                    Growing in the fields; they neither have to work

Or spin; yet I assure you not even Solomon in all his

Regalia was robed like one of these.


Shedding her last leaf

she watched its journey to the ground.

She stood in silence

wearing the color of emptiness,

her branches wondering:

how do you give shade with so much gone?

And Jesus said:

Do not be anxious or overly concerned.

And then,

the sacrament of waiting began.

The sunrise and sunset watched with tenderness,

clothing her with silhouettes kept her hope alive.

They helped her understand that

her vulnerability

her dependence and need

her emptiness

her readiness to receive

were giving her a new kind of beauty.

Every morning and every evening

they stood in silence

and celebrated together

the sacrament of waiting!

And Jesus said:

Now if that I show the Spirit of God clothes the grass in the field which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will that same Spirit not look after you much more…?