Lying in bed last night contemplating my future as all of us do at one point in our lives or another, this time particularly poignant for me, today I may lose my job, I find out soon. I will become an all too common victim of corporate mergers resulting in overlapping of positions and people getting let go. So, of course, I once again wonder if I am on the path God wants me to be on, doing “God’s will” as it were, contemplating a mid-life directional change or whether to maintain the status quo and go with what I know.
I decided to listen to a few of Father Robert Barron’s youtube videos and, if nothing else, get my mind off my troubles. The first video that came up was Father Barron on the Holy Spirit – ok good place to start I thought – turns out a very good place to start. He begins by saying as a priest he is often asked by people how they can tell if they are doing God’s will, how can they tell if they are on the path God wants them on – (yes, this is true, this is what he said and my first video of the night – thank you God). And he always refers them to Galatians Chapter 5:22:
22 By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.
And he stated to measure your path using this as your yardstick. Are you happy? Deep down, soul satisfying happy, not the happiness wrought of excess. Does what you are doing bring you peace? Peace that is unshaken by circumstances even – job loss and materialism and all the “this world” issues and can’t be used to measure success – do you have peace?
My answer is – no. I don’t have peace with what I am doing, I have money and success, but sadly not peace and not for a long time.
So I am faced with needing something I am not sure I have either – courage – courage to change my path and venture forward in trust that the next path I will be on will be God’s will for me and I will have peace.
Trust – like a child trusts her parents when they say everything will be ok and they don’t give their concern another thought – so hard for adults. Trust in a God we can not see and for an outcome we do not know and when so many are depending on us not to fail. Trust like an adult may mean putting my hand in his outstretched hand and having confidence that God and I will get through this together.
Thank you God. I will try and walk on this water with you, but it is deep and I am afraid.