Gratitude, of course, gratitude. I do have a job after all – a different job, but I am ok with that. The weight has lifted from my shoulders and the world seems just a bit brighter this morning.
Of course, that leaves me thinking and wondering – the waiting and the worrying all were great exercises in trusting God that the best thing for me would happen. Was I good at it? not bad I guess. I did give the situation to God, I did feel that the best thing would occur (and it did, a new job with the old company is better than the old job) so what are the lessons I learned, what would I be saying if I did lose my job? I tried to thank God for the situation even when I thought I was being let go, I did tell Him I knew He would take care of me no matter what, but it still wasn’t easy. I need to get better at child like trust so I can hang on to the peace that occurs despite what is happening around me, the peace amidst chaos.
“You make me think of a little child that is learning to stand but does not yet know how to walk. In his desire to reach the top of the stairs to find his mother, he lifts his little foot to climb the first stair. It is all in vain, and at each renewed effort he falls. Well, be this little child: through the practice of all the virtues, always lift your little foot to mount the staircase of holiness, but do not imagine that you will be able to go up even the first step! No, but the good God does not demand more from you than good will. From the top of the stairs, He looks at you with love. Soon, won over by your useless efforts, He will come down Himself and, taking you in His arms, He will carry you up… But if you stop lifting your little foot, He will leave you a long time on the ground.” ~Counsels and Reminiscences, St. Therese of Lisieux
Maybe as St. Therese pointed out, God saw my incomplete effort and swooped down to help. It surely doesn’t mean my effort was better than anyone’s – it wasn’t – and that is what caused the outcome. I wonder how I would be feeling today if I was jobless, what would this post be about then? Maybe the same thing, maybe with just a little different focus, maybe I would be saying, I wonder where God will take me next. I would like to hope I wouldn’t be in despair, but I would have been at least for a while.
Advent is a time of waiting, different of course, but waiting in joyful anticipation. Maybe all of these moments are advents of our own lives, when we are waiting for God to come in and be our salvation.