A spiritual journey takes so many twists, turns and dives you never know where the journey will end.
I stopping writing, I guess temporarily because here I am writing again, when my faith in the Church started to flag again. Honestly, there was a precipitating event that caused it and it was a few months ago so now I can’t even remember what it was!
I looked in my journal, it turns out it was end of December, early January. My sister had moved up here in 2014 from North Carolina, it wasn’t working out, I felt sad, angry and even guilty for bringing her up here, but I know our intentions were well placed etc. etc. There as a poem in my journal and I don’t know if I wrote it or if I found it and wrote it down – I think I must have written it because I usually include the author if I write someone else’s work in my book. Well here it is and it really captures how I was feeling:
In the bleak dark winter all is frozen cold
and still, my heart tho warm beats in a frozen body – a body full of fear
I look out bug-eyed wondering what will come next
I will praise the Lord at all times.
So my faith flagged again, wondering if the Church was the right place for me, even tho I love her, I wonder. I was seeing a Spiritual Director, a lovely nun who was taking me thru St. Ignatius Spiritual Exercises and it wasn’t helping. I felt disconnected, bored and like this wasn’t the spiritual path for me.
Somehow I found a website and started reading and connecting to a different path and I have wandered enough to know the warning signs of false teaching, I can say albeit to a point, I have learned discernment. I looked for the telltale signs, whether the path was Christ centered – I have long ago accepted that for me Christ is the guy. I love Buddhism, but I strongly believe it is cultural and for many of us in the west, our cultural tradition is Judeo-Christian, it is our root. The things I look for to help me decide if something I have come upon is worth exploring are:
1. Does the leader say he is the way, you have to follow him and do what he says? (Egomania)
2. Do the beliefs of the spiritual tradition at least some what fall into what is considered known and accepted? For example, one faith I am familiar with claims that Christ passed the baton to their leader and he is the new living Christ. Really? I can’t go there
3. Does it resonate with me and ring true and fill gaps, answer questions that have previously been unanswered?
4. If those questions all seem fine (and honestly, it doesn’t take long to sniff out false teaching) then it is time to invest a little more effort into understanding the potential new path
So that is where I am. I have been exploring a new path that for me, is breathing life into my spirituality, seems to bring more depth to my beliefs and answer a lot of questions I have had.
More later, I am not sure what I am going to share.
May the peace and blessing of Yeshua and Mary be with you.
I was going to put a “nice” picture in, but this seemed so appropriate: