So I have spent the better part of the last 18 years, as an adult, fully understanding my Catholic roots and immersing myself in her beauty and teachings. I didn’t grow up in a faith filled household, so I had catching up to do.
Around 2005 I discovered the apocryphal gospels and realized there was a long and complicated history defining the Church. I have left the Church and gone back to her more times than I can count always thinking there was something wrong with me and my faith. I have to admit I haven’t found a better alternative, not certainly in the Christian denominations, but not in Eastern traditions either – I have discovered culture plays an important part in religious ritual and when we try to become what we are not – an American chanting in Pali for example, we miss the mark.
We are taught Jesus is the Son of God (and actually is God) who was sent by God the Father (who actually isn’t male of female) to save us from the wrath of God – who is himself?
God sent himself to save us from himself. The mystery of faith.
Eve (and all women) has been forever cursed because she ate of the fruit God planted in the garden and corrupted Adam (he has no responsibility here). She was fooled by the serpent – bad – Adam was fooled by Eve – not bad – Eve is bad.
We eat bread – we are told – that is the actual body of Christ (even though there is no indication what-so-ever) to purify ourselves again in the hopes Jesus can save us from himself. Keep in mind Ancient Hebrews considered “daily bread” the teachings of the Torah and Jesus was Jew. We are constantly reminded we are all sinners, we are bad and can only be saved by the magic formula of faith.
I have tried, I have really, really tried, but maybe it’s not me, maybe it is an ancient faith that just doesn’t make that much sense anymore. (fear of lightening setting in).
What if we are all seeds, (yup, like sunflowers or tomatoes) and are breaking out of our shells to bloom into our light bodies, our spirit?
What if we just need the living water of Jesus teachings received now from the Holy Spirit? Not the Bible, Jesus didn’t write anything down, but he did say he was leaving and left us the Holy Spirit in his place, to teach us to grow and that the Holy Spirit, along with the kingdom of heaven, is found within – within ourselves. What if he resurrected (burst forth from his seed body) to show us how? And he told Mary Magdalene he was going to do it and that he would remain in contact with her which he did (she lived out her life in communion with him).
What if we see what we want to see individually and collectively and create our own worldview? Jesus did say thoughts are actions – think of the teaching of lust in your heart. What if thinking we are sinners makes us sinners and keeps us needing the Church to absolve us? The Gospel of Mary teaches us there is no sin. Man-made laws create sin by giving us laws to break.
Jesus gave us peace and compassion and a new way of thinking so we can grow and bloom. Maybe that is where we need to begin.